"If" You Teach In a School Like Mine...

Here's a poem that I came across a few months ago that really speaks to my experience this year:

"If" by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

A Difficult Decision

First of all, I apologize to my readers for my long absence. I lost my motivation for blogging around the same time that things really fell apart at my school (I'm sure no one is surprised, but it's worse than ever!). It's been day-to-day survival since then. My principal, citing "budget cuts," combined classes for the new semester so that we had 30+ kids per class, and of course, put no care or thought into the composition of those classes or the schedule. I now have 12:1 kids in classes of 30 with SETSS, ESL, and ED kids, and few of them are getting the support services they need. Anyhow, it has created mayhem all over the school (it's a good day when there's not a riot, food fight, bomb threat, or the police showing up). Teachers are worn out. I have several posts that I began to write but never finished, so check back. I may decide to post them when they were originally intended and you can read more about the details of the second semester.

My big news is that, after a long and difficult deliberation, I have decided to take a break from teaching for at least the next year. I always thought I'd be the one to make it, the one that succeeded where others have failed, the one who wouldn't quit, the one who made teaching her profession and stayed in it for the long haul. But it has taken all my energy to get through these last few months with my sanity in tact, and I feel that I must take a break in order to be refreshed for teaching in the future. Above all, I want to feel successful at what I do day-to-day, knowing that my hard work and perseverence are paying off. I don't need a pat on the back; I need truly supportive administrators who know how to -- and are interested in -- helping me grow and not just playing the blame game. I want to flourish as a teacher, to be invigorated and inspired when I get home at night and not drained and continually frustrated to the point of almost having a nervous breakdown.

I know that right now there just aren't ELA jobs readily available in the schools that are doing the work I want to do and that truly support their teachers. So I am hoping that after a period of rest, reflection, travel, and dabbling in other activities (part-time volunteering or job, or perhaps taking a few classes) that I will be able to interview well and land a job at the school of my dreams.

But who knows where life will take me. I am also leaving open the possibility of a career change. Perhaps I will go back and get my PhD. Or become a librarian. Or work for a non-profit. I am lucky to have the support of my husband, who just wants me to be happy in whatever I do, and who will support me during a career change if necessary. I am hoping to continue this blog as long as I am involved in education. I will be posting this summer as I make sense of my experiences this year and decide my next steps. Have a relaxing summer; it is well-deserved!

Unionizing or Truly Uniting?

Over the last few months, I have really started to pay more attention to the issues of privatization in schools. I went to a Teachers Unite forum a few weeks ago on this topic. They handed out some great reading material: "The Big Enchilada: A Corporate Sneak Attack on the Public Schools" by Jonathan Kozol" and Test Today, Privatize Tomorrow: Using Accountability to 'Reform' Public Schools to Death" by Alfie Kohn. "The Corporate Surge Against Public Schools," an article by Steven Miller and Jack Gerson, has also been circulating the listservs.

I was interested, in particular, in Kohn's criticism of John Taylor Gatto, whose ideas I had come across and mentioned a while back. Kohn argues that Gatto's distinction between "education" and "school" is a good one, and is in agreement that public "school" in the US has always been dumbed down and designed to control others, to turn children into factory workers or servants. However, Kohn sharply criticizes Gatto's conclusion that public education as a whole is to blame and should be done away with; rather, we must claim public education for the interests of the public and for true democracy. Doing away with public education, as Gatto suggests, would only serve to further the corporate cause.

It was a wake-up moment for me when I began to put it all together -- the NYC reforms, NCLB, New Orleans, Philadelphia, small schools (like mine) that look and function just like charter schools, the grueling schedule of standardized tests and test prep, the attack on our UFT rights, and the apparent complicity of our own union in doing so. It is absolutely clear that we MUST stand up and unite against these forces that are truly out to demolish not only all public services, but all democracy as well. The question is how to do so.

I began my career with full faith in the union. In my first few months teaching, I saw the union and our sacred rights as absolutely essential to my survival as a teacher. As my regular readers know, I was even a chapter leader for a time. I knew enough to be skeptical of the administration's motives, but I was floored when I realized just how little support I could expect from the UFT. I have reached out to them on numerous occasions, always hoping that something good would come of it, but most of the time, I hear promises from the UFT reps and DRs that never come to fruition and I just live in fear about the negative consequences. And shortly after I began teaching, I watched as my rights slipped away with the new contracts: lunch duty (which is SUCH a waste of my time), extra time in the day with the 37.5 minutes, and most importantly, not being able to grieve letters in the file. Having been so burned time and again, most of my fellow teachers view the union with as much suspicion as the administration, making it that much harder to be united as a staff. Everyone is out for themselves and chaos ensues. A former colleague (who has since left teaching altogether) described teaching in the South Bronx as the "Wild West."

Ednotesonline discusses potential reasons that UFT opposition groups like ICE and TJC have a hard time appealing to a wide range of teachers. Arguably, I am one of those teachers ICE would like to recruit -- a socially conscious, union-valuing, critically thinking, activist type. I've been interested in ICE's activities and voted for ICE candidates in the last UFT election, but have shied away from getting involved for the very reasons Ednotes talks about. I'm overwhelmed by the nasty politics within the UFT and disgusted at the apparent lack of concern for what's happening in these small schools. If the teachers "won't stand up", or so the UFT DR's stance goes, then "what can we do?" I know that's not ICE's stance at all, but I think the UFT has been so corrupted that ICE, while a very important opposition voice, is in for an overwelmingly long and hard battle. Not unlike the Green party is to the Democrats/Republicans.

The problem with this logic is that the teachers won't stand up with the UFT if they can't trust the very people who are supposed to be looking out for their interests. The teachers won't stand up when every effort is made by the DOE and the principals to splinter the staff and create a culture of fear. The UFT should have been on the ground, uniting the staffs of these small schools, from the very beginning of all of the reorganizations. They shouldn't be waiting around for the desperate cries for help, only to pass the buck when it's clear the situation is hopeless. The teachers will NOT stand up with the UFT, because the UFT is not ultimately serving their interests lately. I mean, think about it. If the organization itself is top-down (I just learned that the District Reps are appointed by Randi herself!), how could it possibly be serving the interests of the teachers? Yet it's not as if the teachers are scaredy-cats who are all too afraid to do anything. On the contrary, the teachers are much smarter and refuse to align themselves against their own interests. That's why they are not so willing to stand up right now.

We desperately need another way to unite ourselves. I am hoping Teachers Unite, under a larger umbrella than the UFT can ever hope for, will start the process.

Soulful Guilt of a Thief

There's a Nicholas Kristof article in the Times about how disenfranchised our kids feel in the urban schools. It's depressing, but I really related to it, particularly the thoughts of a veteran middle school teacher:

"We are teaching testing, not knowledge. No one hears these kids, nor do we try. There is absolutely no respect for these students. These middle schools are like prisons where the spirits of our children are slowly crushed, and I have been an unwilling participant in the destruction of young lives. Simply being witness and not speaking out daily makes me feel the soulful guilt of a thief,” concluded the veteran teacher.

I have often told my husband I feel so guilty for participating in a system that is crushing many young people. I spend most of my days forced to (try) to control them -- not listen to them or even teach them anything that is truly important. Some people say you can feel in your veins whether you are a conduit of good or bad. Although I feel good about a few of the relationships I have with certain students and about certain things I'm doing in class, I truly feel that, overall, I am a part of something very bad at my current school.

Great Links

I found some great links, some useful, some simply interesting:

Freeology - the BEST and most useful FREE graphic organizers I've ever found.


Bullies to Buddies - useful tips on dealing with bullying in the classroom. I don't agree with all of it, but it has shown me how I sometimes unwittingly contribute to the problem by automatically siding with the "victim". They teach you useful phrases to use to defuse situations quickly. For instance, if the child complains that someone called him/her a name, say, "Do you believe him/her?" (the child will either say No!, at which point you point out there's no problem, or they say "yes" and you ask them what the problem is if they agree with the other student. Done.) Also, if the child complains that someone hit them, you ask "Are you hurt?" and make the focus on whether the child is hurt or not, therefore discouraging interruptions of the lesson for silly stuff and encouraging them to handle the situation on their own.

Also, if you're interested in the election, there's a great post on the Daily Kos about Clinton and Obama's actual record in the Senate. What I found most interesting was when she pointed out how successful each bill has been.